Monday, March 7, 2011

Old friends are priceless

This is a picture of my friend Robin and our families.
Robin and I have been friends since high school, I think we met in the girls bathroom. Her school Camden had closed and she was new to Leigh, she was a beautiful blond, all sweet and smiley and we bonded over cigarettes I think. This was in 1980 and we've been friends ever since. 31 years now. wow. I recently had a bump in the road with Robin and worried if we could recover, luckily we did and this blog post is to show her how grateful I am. She is my #1 blog fan. Thank you Robin. You mean the world to me.
This is Robin with her daughters Erica and Alexandra, her mother and sister at Erica's graduation..
I can be a pushy bitch, always have. always will. I used to corrupt Robin to go party, always a bad influence. This would remain a pattern for us, Carrie urging Robin to come out and play and Robin reluctantly agreeing sooner or later. Robin got married young and started her family while I continued to play. I always marveled at how she took to marriage and children at such a young age, she was 21 when she settled down. I finally got hitched at 27 and then had my son Alex months later. Marriage and motherhood did not come easily to me. I used to call Robin on the phone and ask for her advice, "What can I do now?", she'd say "go for a walk", I said "already did that", she'd say, "play a game", I'd say "did it" etc....and we had completely different experiences of motherhood. I felt confined and stuck and she blossomed. Now our children are almost grown..Her daughter Erica is engaged and getting married later this year. My son Alex who I asked advice about is 19 and a sophmore at UCSC. Robin and I haven't always been able to hang out, usually obligations prevented us from seeing each other. But the love held strong. Recently I got my feelings hurt because I wanted Robin to come to my open studios and 1 year anniversary, but family obligations came first.
This picture is from open studios May 2010
This has always been our biggest obstacle. I got nasty and we had words. I wondered if this was it, were we done? It's so hard to recover from hurt feelings even though they are bound to occur in relationships. The best relationships can sustain this and ours did. I apologized and owned my behavior and ultimately realized I won't get what I want from Robin. What I want is for her to come out and play, to put me as a priority. It's what I've always wanted and but rarely gotten. Robin is filled up with her family obligations and this will remain steady, I keep hoping things will change and magically there will be a opportunity. What it comes down to is acceptance. I have never been very good at it, and it continues to challenge me. Can I accept the things I cannot change? Can I accept what Robin can give, even when I don't like it? Yes. I can and I will because she is worth it.
I cannot replace 31 years of memories. I may not get what I want but what I have is special. I have a friend who adores me even though we are so different. I have a friend who cares, even when I don't feel it all the time. I have a friend who is funny, loving, loyal and true. Why would I jeopardize this just because I am not getting my way? I'm spoiled and immature and bullheaded that's why. So Robin if you're reading this, and I'm pretty sure you are, thank you. Thank you for not giving up on me. For staying my friend for 31 years and I will do my best to stop pressuring you. I love you and your family and I don't want to loose you. Let's keep laughing and loving all the way to the grave.......