Thursday, May 13, 2010
Thursday at Hip Chick
I am happily busy painting various pieces, finishing up Carmel Valley girl as Megan is coming on Saturday to get it, I can't wait to give it to her! Then I was commisioned by Abby's friend Kendyl to paint a giant flower which I will begin soon. After that I am doing a portriat which I am anxious and excited about. Anxious because I haven't done many and they are SO tricky to get just right, excited because I am overcoming my fear and challenging myself to try. I will never get better if I avoid it right?! I have a slight emotional scar from painting a portrait of Abby back when she was 2 years old. I had elements of her that I liked and some I didn't and of course the part I didn't 'nail' taunted me and I got so frustrated that I painted the whole thing black. Classic. Now I wish I had saved it and I could appreciate it for a snippet in time. I have to rain myself in all the time from this madness, this perfectionsim that tries to sabotage my efforts. It's truly powerful, evil, and frightenly active. I know every artist deals with this beast and needs to tame it, it is not just me. This helps me recognize that to 'win' against it is to allow myself to not be perfect, (easy enough-hahaha!) and remember the sting of that lost portrait. If I expect so much of myself that I can't enjoy it then what am I doing it for? I enjoy the beginning because there's a freedom ahead, to manipulate it, change it, develop, experiement until I like it. Once it becomes recognizable and real I loose my enthusiam and I want to stop. I don't want to fight the perfection dragon. Hopefully over time this beast will become tamer and tamer, maybe we'll even become friends?? All this creature needs is love and acceptance, then it will embrace imperfections as happy accidents and quirks that make the piece unique. This is what I need to tell myself until I believe it. It's getting better all the time.....
Posted by Carrie Clayden at 6:15 PM